Nov 11, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day 1

Day 1: Something You Hate About Yourself

Wow, this is a really hard one.  Let's see:

I really hate being sick.  While people say it's "not me", it is.  It puts everything on hold, makes everything more difficult, and makes me feel useless at times.

I feel like it's MY FAULT for getting this way.  I pushed myself too hard, lived a rough life (drinking, partying every night), ignored my health, and this is what I get for it.

I hate the constant aches, the headaches, the muscle spasms.  They are getting better with medication and injections, but I'll never feel "normal" or "strong".  

And then.....I hate that I let my illness(es) get me down!  They ARE NOT me!  I didn't cause them, they are genetic!  I hate that I'll just lay on the couch rather than fight them!  

So there you have it, I hate the dichotomy of my feelings towards my illness.  And I didn't know that until I just wrote it.


Jennifer said...

It is really easy to get frustrated at one's self when dealing with an illness or health problem. I often feel the same way about my back pain, people can say "it isn't you" but it is, it is a big part of who I am and I wish I could change it more than I wish I could change my hair or nose etc. Very thoughtful post and I hope you get some relief from what is ailing you!

Sharon said...

I hate that I have let myself go so far downhill, that it will take a miracle and a truckload of skilled surgeons to try to fix me.

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